You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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