I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
