A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
