I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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