And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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