Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
