The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
