Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
