Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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