I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
