I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
