oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
