I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
