What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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