shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm at about main and main street
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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