His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
