apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
