maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
