She went from zero to smokin in five shots
there's paper in my vomit.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
