Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
