Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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