Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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