How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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