At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
