ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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