Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
