morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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