I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You are the jesus of drinking
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
