walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
