I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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