When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
