Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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