I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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