So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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