i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
