it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
