yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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