SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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