my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
