I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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