Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
