Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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