He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
