when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
