why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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