benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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