I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
