if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
