I heard we made out
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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