If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
