The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
