Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
