let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Fuck appropriateness.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
