Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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