the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
